Go Fk Yourself
by Jaded Expression of Euphoria
Summary: Murphy gets Conner to play a card game with him. No pairings. Just goofy.


**Warnings: **none really (except the usual cussing)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Boondock Saints or Sean Patrick Flannery or Norman Reedus. I'm just borrowing their looks and characters for this fanfic.

**Pairings:** none

**Jaded's Before-words:** Just something goofy that's been sitting on my computer for a while. Thought I would post it.

* * *

><p>"Hey Conner," Murphy said to get his brother's attention. He was sitting at their small table drinking a beer.<p>

"What?" Conner's muffled voice came through the pillow he was laying face down in on his bed.

"Remember when we used to play card games as kids?" Murphy questioned, examining the smoke rising from the cigarette between his fingers. The beer in his other hand was brought to his lips and he drank the last of it.

Conner lifted his head and looked at Murphy in confusion. What was his brother trying to say?

"Yeah, I remember. ...I also remember giving the fat kid from France a good punch after he insulted Ma thinking we didn't understand. And I remember that one time you got lost outside of town and tossed into a well by a girl. I remember a lot of the things we did as kids. What are ya gettin at, Murph?"

"We should play a game of cards again," Murphy said, placing his cigarette between his lips.

"Well, Murph, that might be a wee bit difficult considerin' we don't have any cards to play with," Conner said.

Murphy set his cigarette in the ash tray and blew out smoke while reaching into the back pocket of his jeans. He dropped an unopened pack of red Bicylce cards onto the table and picked up his cigarette again.

"Now we do," he said and brought the cigarette to his mouth.

Conner sat up, looking at the cards and then Murphy, who gave him a look that seemed to be a shrug and a challenge in one.

Conner narrowed his eyes at Murphy before nodding once and standing up.

"What game do ya have in mind, Murph?" Conner asked and sat down in the chair across from Murphy.

"None really," Murphy said and blew out a smoke ring before extinguishing his cigarette. "What games do ya remember how to play?"

"Not many," Conner admitted, taking out a cigarette of his own and lighting it.

Murphy racked his brain for the simplest game he knew.

"Go Fish?"

Conner scoffed good-naturedly.

"Isn't that a child's game," he stated with a laugh.

"Fuckin' shut it," Murphy said and tossed the cards at his brother.

Conner lifted a hand with a laugh and caught them before they hit him in the face. He turned the pack around in his hand, looking at it.

"Eh, why not?" Conner said and put his cigarette in the ash tray to rip the plastic covering off the cards.

While Conner opened the cards and removed anything unnecessary from the deck Murphy stood up and went to their small fridge to get a couple beers out. When he turned around Conner had decided to shuffle them. He wasn't doing too well and Murphy laughed.

He sat down in his chair and set the beer on the table, content to open his and watch his brother struggle with a deck of cards for a little bit longer.

He almost spit beer all over the table in amusement when a card seemed to just magically jump out of the deck and hit Conner in the face. Murphy decided he liked that deck of cards.

"Oh, if you think you're so fuckin' special why don't you play a game by yourself," Conner said, angrily shoving the card back into the misshapen deck. "Here, fifty-two pick-up."

And he tossed the cards at Murphy.

Laughing, Murphy managed to set his beer down and catch most of the cards before they went everywhere. One of them managed to land on Conner's smoldering cigarette and the corner caught fire before Murphy fished it out and smothered the small flame under his palm against the table.

"Look what ya fuckin' did, Conner," Murphy accused, holding up the card in mocking seriousness. "Now we'll always know that this is the-" He looked at it. "Eight o' fuckin' spades."

"Just shuffle the fuckin' cards, will ya," Conner said and lit another cigarette. Obviously the one that had burned the card had been deemed unworthy to relight (since it went out). It was an odd thing Conner did that sometimes annoyed the fuck outta Murphy. If Conner found anything at all wrong with his cigarette he'd stop smoking it and light a new one.

Murphy tapped the cards on the table and moved them around so all of them were aligned. Then he split the deck and shuffled the cards with the ease of a practiced card dealer.

Conner glared at him. Murphy just smiled back with a shit eating grin.

"Was it seven or five cards that each person gets?" Murphy asked when he was done shuffling.

"I don't fuckin' know," Conner said with a sulky shrug.

So Murphy counted out five cards and slid them Conner's way before counting out five for himself and setting the rest of the deck between them, away from the ash tray.

"You wanna start?" Murphy asked, looking at his cards and then at Conner. Jack, Queen, Ace, seven, four.

Conner finished his cigarette and put it out before looking at his cards.

"Sure. Do ya have a six, Murphy?" He asked.

"Go fish, Conner," Murphy said and took a drink from his beer.

* * *

><p><em><span>Five games later<span>_

"You're cheating, Murph," Conner stated bluntly. He had three pairs and Murphy had thirteen and was out of cards while Conner had six in his hand still. And Murphy had won every game.

"Am not. How would I even fuckin' cheat?" Murphy said, affronted.

"I don't fuckin' know. Ma could cheat in any card game. I bet ya learned from her."

Conner grabbed his beer from the table and drank the rest of it in one go.

"She didn't tell me a fuckin' thing," Murphy stated and glared at Conner.

"Ya know what, you've been shufflin' and dealin' the whole time. I don't think I trust ya any more to. I'm fuckin' dealin' now," Conner said and snatched up the deck of cards.

* * *

><p><em>Ten games later<em>

"Well at least you're gettin' better at shufflin', Conner," Murphy said, laughing and picking up his five cards.

"Shut your fuckin' mouth," Conner grumbled. "I still think you're fuckin' cheatin'."

"Oh, don't be a sore loser, Conner," Murphy said and laid down a pair of Aces. "Do ya have a Queen?"

"Go fuck yourself, Murph," Conner said and flicked a red Queen at Murphy's face. He missed.

"I will, Conner. And I'll enjoy it too," Murphy said with a laugh.

Conner glared at him.

"Do ya have a nine?"

Conner tossed a black nine at Murphy

"Do ya have a ten?"

"Go fish, Murph."

Conner shifted in his chair.

"Do you have a four?"

"Go fish, Conner."

Conner sighed and picked up a card from the deck.

"Wanna make this interestin'?" Murphy asked suddenly.

"And how can we make a game of 'Go Fish' interestin', Murph?"

"Bets. At the beginnin' of a game one of us makes an offer and the winner gets whatever it was from the loser."

"Fine."

* * *

><p><em>Next game<em>

"So what's the bet gonna be, Conner?"

"Five dollars."

"Psh. Come on, Conner. Make it interestin."

"Twenty dollars."

"Okay. And Conner, I'll even tell you all my cards so you have fair chance at winnin'."

Murphy laughed and Conner kicked him under the table.

Murphy continued laughing, purposely setting down his cards so Conner could see.

Conner refused to look.

"EIGHT, NINE, TEN, KING, ACE." Murphy yelled purposely so it was impossible Conner didn't hear him. "Did you get all that, Conner?"

"Oh fuck off."

At the end of the game Conner was twenty dollars poorer.

The cards were dealt out again.

"So I have two face cards - I'll count those as ten - and one ten," Murphy started talking to himself, holding his cards in a way it would be easy for Conner to see.

"That's thirty and then I have a two and an Ace. That's thirty-three-"

"What the fuck are ya doin', Murph?" Conner asked, looking at his brother like he was a little retarded.

"I'm addin' my cards up out loud so you'll know how much money you'll have to give me when I win again." Murphy grinned.

* * *

><p>"Okay, this time, I bet everythin' in the loser's pockets," Conner declared.<p>

Murphy shrugged.

"Fair enough," he said while holding one card. Two pairs were on the table next to his cigarette pack.

When Murphy won he had half the deck in pairs and Conner had nothing but nine mismatching cards in his hand.

Murphy stood up, walked around and reached into the pocket Conner kept his cigarettes. Then he went back to his seat and lit one up.

"I'm out," was all he said and Conner glared at him as if it would cause Murphy to implode or catch on fire.

"Same bet, new game," Conner said and made Murphy deal the cards.

* * *

><p>"I won," Conner said as if he couldn't believe it.<p>

"So ya did," Murphy said, smirking while digging in his pockets.

He tossed a quarter onto the table. A stick of gum, an old receipt, and a condom followed it.

"That's all that's in me pockets."

"You've got to be fuckin' kiddin' me," Conner said, propping his head up in his hand with his elbow on the table.

* * *

><p><strong>Jaded's After-words:<strong> This came about because I was playing card games with my sister and was losing horribly. So there you have it. Hope it made you smile.


End file.
